Suffering Well?

This is something I wrote nearly a year ago. I didn't post it for fear of being too exposed, too vulnerably laid bare when feeling so in the midst of pain still. But, maybe these thoughts can benefit someone else, so here it is, all laid bare and naked. ;)

I have recently been doing some layman's research on how to (if possible) suffer well.

Our family has gone through some losses as most families do.

I suffered a debilitating illness that kept me in my bed for the better part of 12 years. We've suffered through miscarriages. We lost a baby mid-pregnancy about a year ago. And now, we are facing financial losses. Our business has been effected negatively by the economic crises of the past couple of years and it's forced the quick sale of our home and any excess. A proverbial throwing off the boat of any unnecessary weight.

Everyone suffers. It's interesting then, isn't it, that a "how to" course isn't taught in our schools or even talked about much at church or amongst friends.

We often quietly suffer through great losses or painful times - bad diagnoses, natural disaster, heartaches, divorce, physical illnesses, mental/emotional frailties that cause devastation and life change. Even, the facing of death itself.
But can we suffer well? Is that a possibility?
My sister and brother in law have five children. The first two were born with autism and cleft palates and ear related problems that have required many, near yearly, surgeries. Then, about five years ago, my brother-in-law developed an insidious, rare blood illness called acute ideopathic hypereosiniphilic disorder that will take his life slowly and painfully unless God does a miracle for him. I watch how they manage by simply living each day as it comes. They choose to live in the now.

My sister in law has taught me that being in denial is okay in so much as it helps you to survive a long term crisis. She has also taught me that it's best to distract one's self as much as possible. To work hard when/if you can. Read a good book. (I lent my copy of Lettie Cowman's "Streams in the Desert" to her when her husband was first diagnosed only to have her return the favor years later when we were going through our painful time.)Watch t.v. To take meds that your doc prescribes. Give to others in need if possible. Anything to keep the pain - or at least the suffering part ;) - at bay or from taking over.

They laugh daily. They find humor in everyday things - something the kids have said or done, silly inane stupid stuff, anything. They will themselves to laugh in the midst of suffering. They intentionally watch tv programs like Funniest Home Videos or the Comedy Network or what have you even when they don't really feel like it - just to be open to the possibility of having a good laugh.

Death of a loved one can be life altering in ways never dreamed. It changes everything.

A very warm, sweet relative of mine gave birth to a precious baby girl who died mere minutes later. Suffering the loss of a child is a suffering that's for a lifetime. I've seen her make it through by her faith in the Lord and through friends' and family's support and I'm sure with many tears and much sorrow on Mothers' Day and birthdays and landmarks missed.

Grief crops up whenever it chooses. Random moments that remind you of your loss. Just simply putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. Faking it til it's a semblance of okay again. It takes great courage.

I have other family members and friends who've faced devastating rejection from their spouses. Divorce and family break up. Horrible pain that they simply endured. I have a scrappy, mighty sister who I admire so much who carried her three kids through to a whole new, good life by sheer self will and God's help. There are still scars, but they are healing.

Less often recognized is the suffering from long term mental illnesses that impede life daily at best or cause minute by minute torment at worst.

Pain comes in myriad forms.

Maybe that's one truth about suffering - Not only is it painful, but... it's beyond our control. It's an event/ happening/circumstance that's not wanted. It's life change that you never asked for.

How to suffer well?

I guess part of what I have seen bring peace in the midst of the storm of pain and suffering is simple trust in the Lord. Trust in His love. A clinging to or grasping onto Truth there.

I think too it's relying on friends and family as much as possible. I guess the area I struggle with most is feeling "weak." I feel like I can't endure at times. Maybe, when we suffer, we all feel like little children again wishing for someone to take care of us and show us the way or carry us through.

I think that acceptance of the present is a means, a way toward, peace. To know when to fight and when to stop.

I have seen suffering be the source of great beauty in songs, in poetry and art and in people's lives and characters. It seems that if suffering is endured well then there is less bitterness than in those who suffer poorly. Maybe another key to suffering well is gratitude for what we do have or have had. Being able to see beyond the pain now to potential hope for the future.

There are moments when all of us are faced with pain. I hope to learn how to suffer well so that at the end my life, i'm not all bitterness and anger. I want to be like my sister in law who belly laughs regularly and attempts not to take this life too seriously. Of course, pain takes over at times but to be able to laugh in the midst of pain lightens the load of mental dread. I want to have the courage of my aunt and the feistiness of my sister.

This isn't a how-to list. It's just some meandering musings on how to make it through maybe without giving up or giving in to those miserable thoughts that say everything is hopeless or it'll never get better - that the pain is too great or the battle too hard. To give up or to give in to anger and bitterness.

Suffering Well? Maybe it's a combination of courage, hope, joy and love that makes suffering endurable or that helps us to suffer well. It's not always possible. I hope to make it through this painful time for us with God's help, good friends, a healthy dose of denial and mindless distraction. I really want to suffer well.