Being Sold

I don't like being sold.  Whether it be insurance, cars, fitness programs, I find myself getting grumpy when someone tries to force-feed me their stuff.   Especially on something like facebook where I choose not to be a "friend collector" but by and large attempt to friend(verb here) friends. 

A recent example was a friend (I'll call her Jenny) who I once considered one of my closest friends.  When she moved away, we lost touch.  In spite of gentle efforts over the past decade at reconnection, I've always felt an arm's length spread out between us.  Sometimes its like that between old friends.  Someone pulls away.  Not because of anything awful you've done.  Maybe just a choice made. We reconnected via facebook a few years back.  But, there's not been the reconnection of the closeness there once was between us.

Over recent months, I noticed that Jenny was starting a new fitness and weight-loss program.  I also noticed that she was actively attempting to get others to join her program.  It was one of those programs that have been making the rounds.  One of those new, ever-so-slightly more palatable, pyramid schemes.

I think that I had an internal harbinger of things to come from the first, but hope springs eternal...  And, I did hope. That she wouldn't make contact in order to enlist me as Number X of her new pyramid.  Still, I mentioned to my husband the glut of sales pitches on fb recently and I mentioned my old friend.  I told him that, although doubtful (Jenny surely knows me,) I feared I might get a call. 

I did get the call and, no, it wasn't to reconnect and, yes, it was to sell me on the program.  To her credit, she sensed my resistance, said the right things and backed off.

It dawned on me as I was processing my disappointment and dismay post-sales pitch, that this might be how some feel when we as Christians try to share the gospel.  Is it possible they feel sold?

I believe from reading The Bible that its God through His Holy Spirit that draws people into a relationship with Himself.  I also find in scripture, verses that encourage us to share our faith with others.

So, how should we share our faith?  

I think that in the same way that I felt dismay, even hurt, by my friend trying to sell me on the product/scheme instead of attempting to reconnect with me, those that don't yet believe in God might just be feeling hurt, anger and disappointment with our, at times, pushy approach to expression of faith. 

When pushing God, we just might be negating another's right to their own free will, their own (God given) free choice. 

We might even succeed  at selling them.  But is convincing someone the same as conviction?  I think that the "sales pitching" of Christian faith can diminish the power of God's saving grace.

Maybe too, in the hardsell approach, we might actually be exempting ourselves from the work of relating to someone else.  From the work of relationship.  The love and respect that comes from hours spent with someone.  From truly hearing and knowing where someone else is coming from.  We cheat ourselves here.  We sell ourselves short when we don't spend the time to hear another's story.

I hate being sold. I don't want to be a salesman.  But, I do hope that others come to experience the good stuff I've experienced by having a relationship with God.  I hope that in sharing my faith with friends, I honor God and I honor my friends.

A favourite poem by a favourite poet

The Swimmer's Moment
Margaret Avison

For everyone
The swimmer's moment at the whirlpool comes,
But many at that moment will not say
"This is the whirlpool, then."
By their refusal they are saved
From the black pit, and also from contesting
The deadly rapids, and emerging in
The mysterious, and more ample, further waters.
And so their bland-blank faces turn and turn
Pale and forever on the rim of suction
They will not recognize.
Of those who dare the knowledge
Many are whirled into the ominous centre
That, gaping vertical, seals up
For them an eternal boon of privacy,
So that we turn away from their defeat
With a despair, not for their deaths, but for
Ourselves, who cannot penetrate their secret
Nor even guess at the anonymous breadth
Where one or two have won:
(The silver reaches of the estuary).

A Favourite Poem

Contraband


by Denise Levertov


The tree of knowledge was the tree of reason.
That's why the taste of it
drove us from Eden. That fruit
was meant to be dried and milled to a fine powder
for use a pinch at a time, a condiment.
God had probably planned to tell us later
about this new pleasure.
We stuffed our mouths full of it,
gorged on but and if and how and again
but, knowing no better.
It's toxic in large quantities; fumes
swirled in our heads and around us
to form a dense cloud that hardened to steel,
a wall between us and God, Who was Paradise.
Not that God is unreasonable – but reason
in such excess was tyranny
and locked us into its own limits, a polished cell
reflecting our own faces. God lives
on the other side of that mirror,
but through the slit where the barrier doesn't
quite touch ground, manages still
to squeeze in – as filtered light,
splinters of fire, a strain of music heard
then lost, then heard again.

An Extraordinary Sunset

For me, God's Beauty = Hope. This recent sunset in Steveston, BC was such an extravagant display of His Creation. Like Fall's vibrant leaves or the view from a mountaintop, God's Creation makes me feels such joy, so much hope.

Opinions

Differing opinions make me happy. I am not always delighted by an opposing point of view... especially if it comes from my daughter when she decides she doesn't want to move when already late and really in need of some hurry. Wishing I could intravenous some of my adrenaline into her then! ;)

But, it is good to have someone else's perspective.

Maybe, it's the knowledge that I don't always have to be right. Or, the challenge that comes from another's well-thought out rebuttal to a yet unchallenged idea or belief. Whatever the case, a differing opinion can bring me to a place of change or solidify what I already believe as true.

I like people. I like knowing what others think. How they tick. At least, a bit of how another mind works, thinks, feels, believes.



We are all so different.
I love colour. Bright, vivid hues make me happy! My cousin looks at me in disbelief and shock when I show her my kitchen's multi-coloured chandelier. I can see her thought processes: "Wow! That's tacky!" When I visit her home, I discover that she likes sage green and soft soothing tones of brown and beige.

Personality, age, cultures, loves, hopes and belief systems. We are so varied. Each of us individual. Yet, so similar. It's interesting that our differences are often what keep us apart.

Accepting those differences, which isn't the same as approving of every difference, is what brings us together to find those things that we can bond on - the common ground... and the not-so-common.

Suffering Well?

This is something I wrote nearly a year ago. I didn't post it for fear of being too exposed, too vulnerably laid bare when feeling so in the midst of pain still. But, maybe these thoughts can benefit someone else, so here it is, all laid bare and naked. ;)

I have recently been doing some layman's research on how to (if possible) suffer well.

Our family has gone through some losses as most families do.

I suffered a debilitating illness that kept me in my bed for the better part of 12 years. We've suffered through miscarriages. We lost a baby mid-pregnancy about a year ago. And now, we are facing financial losses. Our business has been effected negatively by the economic crises of the past couple of years and it's forced the quick sale of our home and any excess. A proverbial throwing off the boat of any unnecessary weight.

Everyone suffers. It's interesting then, isn't it, that a "how to" course isn't taught in our schools or even talked about much at church or amongst friends.

We often quietly suffer through great losses or painful times - bad diagnoses, natural disaster, heartaches, divorce, physical illnesses, mental/emotional frailties that cause devastation and life change. Even, the facing of death itself.
But can we suffer well? Is that a possibility?
My sister and brother in law have five children. The first two were born with autism and cleft palates and ear related problems that have required many, near yearly, surgeries. Then, about five years ago, my brother-in-law developed an insidious, rare blood illness called acute ideopathic hypereosiniphilic disorder that will take his life slowly and painfully unless God does a miracle for him. I watch how they manage by simply living each day as it comes. They choose to live in the now.

My sister in law has taught me that being in denial is okay in so much as it helps you to survive a long term crisis. She has also taught me that it's best to distract one's self as much as possible. To work hard when/if you can. Read a good book. (I lent my copy of Lettie Cowman's "Streams in the Desert" to her when her husband was first diagnosed only to have her return the favor years later when we were going through our painful time.)Watch t.v. To take meds that your doc prescribes. Give to others in need if possible. Anything to keep the pain - or at least the suffering part ;) - at bay or from taking over.

They laugh daily. They find humor in everyday things - something the kids have said or done, silly inane stupid stuff, anything. They will themselves to laugh in the midst of suffering. They intentionally watch tv programs like Funniest Home Videos or the Comedy Network or what have you even when they don't really feel like it - just to be open to the possibility of having a good laugh.

Death of a loved one can be life altering in ways never dreamed. It changes everything.

A very warm, sweet relative of mine gave birth to a precious baby girl who died mere minutes later. Suffering the loss of a child is a suffering that's for a lifetime. I've seen her make it through by her faith in the Lord and through friends' and family's support and I'm sure with many tears and much sorrow on Mothers' Day and birthdays and landmarks missed.

Grief crops up whenever it chooses. Random moments that remind you of your loss. Just simply putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. Faking it til it's a semblance of okay again. It takes great courage.

I have other family members and friends who've faced devastating rejection from their spouses. Divorce and family break up. Horrible pain that they simply endured. I have a scrappy, mighty sister who I admire so much who carried her three kids through to a whole new, good life by sheer self will and God's help. There are still scars, but they are healing.

Less often recognized is the suffering from long term mental illnesses that impede life daily at best or cause minute by minute torment at worst.

Pain comes in myriad forms.

Maybe that's one truth about suffering - Not only is it painful, but... it's beyond our control. It's an event/ happening/circumstance that's not wanted. It's life change that you never asked for.

How to suffer well?

I guess part of what I have seen bring peace in the midst of the storm of pain and suffering is simple trust in the Lord. Trust in His love. A clinging to or grasping onto Truth there.

I think too it's relying on friends and family as much as possible. I guess the area I struggle with most is feeling "weak." I feel like I can't endure at times. Maybe, when we suffer, we all feel like little children again wishing for someone to take care of us and show us the way or carry us through.

I think that acceptance of the present is a means, a way toward, peace. To know when to fight and when to stop.

I have seen suffering be the source of great beauty in songs, in poetry and art and in people's lives and characters. It seems that if suffering is endured well then there is less bitterness than in those who suffer poorly. Maybe another key to suffering well is gratitude for what we do have or have had. Being able to see beyond the pain now to potential hope for the future.

There are moments when all of us are faced with pain. I hope to learn how to suffer well so that at the end my life, i'm not all bitterness and anger. I want to be like my sister in law who belly laughs regularly and attempts not to take this life too seriously. Of course, pain takes over at times but to be able to laugh in the midst of pain lightens the load of mental dread. I want to have the courage of my aunt and the feistiness of my sister.

This isn't a how-to list. It's just some meandering musings on how to make it through maybe without giving up or giving in to those miserable thoughts that say everything is hopeless or it'll never get better - that the pain is too great or the battle too hard. To give up or to give in to anger and bitterness.

Suffering Well? Maybe it's a combination of courage, hope, joy and love that makes suffering endurable or that helps us to suffer well. It's not always possible. I hope to make it through this painful time for us with God's help, good friends, a healthy dose of denial and mindless distraction. I really want to suffer well.